Great Catch??

One instance can change your day...

It is always said All's well if ends well. I think it's a very natural sort of idea, It's our natural reaction.

But I think it somehow contradicts with other proverb that 'first impression is the last impression'. The former doesn't contradict the later directly but sort of.

As for Day, weather was cool today, Since today was holiday I took an elongated breakfast, Later sat for tea. Just Like Buddha get the enlightenment beneath a tree, i get enlightenment at that place where I have tea.

I see people, Girls , watches and notices even unnoticeable things. Time passes slow and for that moment earth seems lazy in revolving.

I saw a girl on whose T-shirt it was written 'I'm a Great catch'. It made me guess about the girl. Why she chose that T-shirt? By the first time she have seen that T-shirt in some shopping mall, she must have imagined herself with it, She must have thought of the reaction of people when they read, Their reaction would have been her intention.

So what reaction I should give when I know what reaction she is expecting. According to me it's a very cheap statement. It shows person is short on self-confidence and balancing it with such lines.

But then I tried to think is she really such a great catch? She has an okey face, lean thin figure, All in all she is okey, nothing like 'great' which her T-shirt tells about her.

Then I looked at my T-shirt it has the lines 'Moved to geek's World'. What does it tells about me?? What i thought when I bought that T-shirt. Well seriously I didn't think much. It was sort of revealing my condition as a professional, Intention was to inform not to provoke, and ofcourse I am taking pride in my moving to geek's world.

By looking at my T-shirt someone asked to the person he was with 'Geek is different, Nerd is different. What's the difference?.

Before they could ask me I moved from there.

Backpain.

I cudn't provide yesterday since I had a very bad backpain, I cudnt move my neck for even saying 'no', I still can't but its no longer an excuse for not posting....

Yesterday was an Ok day, Had a serious issue in my work, I somehow solved it, then there were lots of work but I realized the pain in my back just below the neck, I thought not to do anything.

So I was just passing time, In the evening time since it was last friday of the month we use to have a sort of celebration in the office cafetaria.

The HR called everyone, had the cake for people whose b'day fell in this month and some snacks, It's enjoyment though I largely m not part of it, doesn't suits me.

At that time it start raining, I don't think I remember it raining in the month of february earlier, But it was good, the droplets which are flown with air and when touches you sort of awake you and when it happens randomly and numerously It's great.

I always liked rain, I hardly know any person who don't like it, Well there is an issue or drainage in most part of country but still it's good to get rain once in a while.

After that I informed my lead that I am going home due to backpain, this is the second time I was leaving office early in this month. He smiled and said take proper rest, we will see to it on monday.

Monday I think I have hell lot of work, but i dont feel worried or tensed coz i know life without work is so boring what we need is 'breaks' often.

I had tea, had my dinner and then came back to my place but this pain was/is still there, It's irritating but since it has elongated I have started to feeling comfortable with it.

I slept early than usual around 12 pm and most of my body problems are solved after a good sleep, but I remember waking many time without opening my eyes and feeling the twitch in my neck, In that half sleeping state too I thought tomorrow I would have to carry it, not so in detail but as a notion, and then again I went into sleep.

Stolen!

After lunch when I got back to my system to work, suddenly i realized that I don't have my mobile with me. I tried to remember if i took it with me, Certainly I did I even watched the time since I was getting late in the morning.

Second thought, It got stolen, But When and How? In a flash all the activity crossed infront of my eyes like a fast-forward. It is sure that It has been stolen then I realized while I was getting down from Bus, That was the only time It could happen.

And thing got clearer, Actually when I was getting down, few people were around the gate and I could now understand their strategy, They jam the way with one excuse or other and since there is little time to get down, your mind is all concentrated on getting down otherwise bus will open, and then in such a situation they could easily take it out.

I told it to the guy who sit beside me and we laughed at it, I said I should have kept listening to the songs on the mobile, that way when he wud hav picked out I wud hav known.

In evening while chatting with shying when I told him He said 'my cell luck is not good'.
I think he is right In one year this is the second time my cell got stolen and one cell of mine is not working.

Now I am looking for really cheap second-hand third class mobile which barely fuflills the requisite to make an attend a call. If any of you guys have such a masterpiece Do send it to me.

Moreover I asked shying if he has girls in his office, He said he has one, really close but she has mustache and he can't think about her, I told mustache is good, it's erotic actually. he replied For him it was a turn off and how can girl with mustache cud be appealing. I said if girls in male attire could be appealing then they cud certainly be appealing with lil mustache afterall it signifies that she has got some masculine hormones.

Women with power is always hit among men, He assured me he will give a second look to her.

Cheated by ease!!

Today I was lauded for my working performance in the early half

But I think that's not special enough.

Yesterday I was worried about a part of work, It was the bone of contention, Right now I am leading my lead so there is no point of him helping me that means anyway I have to do that.

I was considering it a hard task and I was not able to start that just thinking about it's complexity, I was feeling flummoxed as in what direction to proceed.

The guy who sits with me asked if i have no work, I said i have a difficult work and I m just preparing myself for that, It wud be huge fight and need extensive intensity so I am taking little relax before it, He smiled.

Then i thought I have to try and I started and Guess what I did it in 5 minutes!!!!!.

It came as a huge relief and a sort of content but then I realized it also brought a sense of getting ditched, The mental preparation I had was unused, The intense approach for which I readied myself wasn't there.

Something similar to calling a soldier to fight for his country and then there is no fight only a handshake, How would the soldier feel??

Ofcourse He would be bit happy that but internally he wud feel strange coz all those charge, all those rawness and energy were ditched with.

I would have felt that I have done a great task if it would have taken 4-5 hours atleast, but since it was completed in 5 minutes I felt like 'much ado about nothing'.

Also another thing I noticed that sometime when you stand at the bank of sea and see the huge strong wave, you would keep postponing your idea to enter into the sea as I was postponing to start the work.

Sometime we don't need to assess too much and need to jump into it at once, Being practical and thoughtful may take your courage away.

We need to be balanced in our approach.

Righteous Anger is unjustified??

I was in bus today when I realized something....While i am traveling in a bus, train or car I rarely look inside, most of the time I am looking outside.

what i saw outside today, there was this man going on his bike, behind him was his wife and in between both was their small child, As he was driving I saw the child playing with his mother, used to hide his face in her 'dupatta'(scarf) or sometime buried his face in her lap, the mother too was playing with her, it was good to see. In the process the bike got little unbalanced.

The man somehow controlled and then blasted his child and his wife, After that both of their faces got so down that one who watched them playing would feel sorry for them. The wife knew she was wrong but what hurts her was the way he blasted, the child looked feared and confused, While for the man he wanted to deliver his message in such a way that they never repeat that mistake, his concern was safety considering the way he managed to get the balance back.

I thought how none of them were wrong, still all three of them were feeling bad. It happens with all of us we understand that what other is saying is right still we get hurt Or we dont consider about our ways when we know we are right and our intentions are good.

Fruit seller Woman

It is not today's account, many days ago but worth mentioning.

It was the month of April, which means intense heat.......I use to return from my college with my friend around 3pm that was the time when the sun sort of thinking to loosen its anger........still it use to be hot and dry...

We use to return through a shortcut that use to be lonely and desolated most of the time and specially at that time.

One day my friend was not there, so i was returning alone and and the heat drained me i think, so everything seemed to be moving in layer.

In the mid-way there was a tree and in the heat it was providing a very cool space, there 2 guys were there. They seemed to be drivers by attire and they both were resting there.

Also there was a lady passing, she was a fruit vendor with basket of fruit over her head, they called her and while she was reaching to them one person asked suggestively about the fruit and meaning about her or say her's.

She understood, said 'it's good' smiling bit embarrassingly and stopped moving toward them.

They said 'Really?? let us check it' again suggestively enough. For the woman it was clear and bit explicit, so she smiled and move forward considering that they just want to have fun of sort.

Then they started calling her sounding serious enough to buy the fruits, that time i realized that she is bit hesitant, surely there is a chance that they wud buy, most probably they wud buy but it's also sure that they want to enjoy bit flirting, she knew she wud be ogled, she knew she wud have to face some double-meaning lewd remark and even then they might not purchase the fruit.

her hesitation was clear as she stopped and moved forward and again stopped by their calling, she said to them 'you don't have to buy'. actually she was making sure by asking.

they were shouting like 'we surely have to buy' and smiling simultaneously.

ofcorse for a woman who have to sell fruits for her livelihood or maybe her children too, its a good profit and it means much if someone buy her fruits(of basket) specially when in that heat there is sparsely any customer. From a business point of view she must try.

But on the other hand she knew that these men would ogle it, she may have to face some lewd remarks too. It's sheer pride against practicality.

I think we can feel bad about such women but it doesn't changes anything, In one way or other we all find ourselves in such positions. Her case is only stark example maybe too clear and too explicit.

Now when I see hot models when and around launching of new car or something like that and men asking her useless details about the products, Their motive is only to talk to her even the models knows that. I always remember that dark fruit seller woman.

I don't know if she went to them or not coz by the time i crossed the road she was still contemplating with a smile on her face.

Old Man

Was returning.....was thinking as I always do when I walk...that's why I am prone to accidents......

Suddenly this 60+ man drew my attention with strange gesture to me. I cudn't understand as he came close, I thought he was asking for a pen. So my hand went to my pocket( to take out pen).

"No No No, Don't worry I am not a thief or anything" He said in fluent english.

I smiled in reply, though this smile wasn't real, It was to show that I appreciated his comment. I was literally flummoxed and was sort of avoiding the unknown disturbance by the old man.

"Great, the way you are walking, the smile, the thought on your face." He continued.

It stroke me real bad, coz i realized that i really was thinking something.....How did he looked so deep?

"No, don't get surprised , Don't get shocked" He almost ordered me.

there i was broke, this man saw me through my shell, There is no point in hiding myself coz I can't.

He moved his hand forward to have a hand-shake, I shook it, He was looking at me, But i still wasn't properly. But he kept my hand in his hand.

And atlast i looked into his eyes, clearly for the first time, and then he smiled, i guess all my hesitation was gone.

"God bless you" He said with an affection as he moved forward.

"thank you" my only reply to him in the end.......i guess by that time i was eased up, I was willing.

In seconds he assessed me and in minutes he got me out of my shell, i was thinking while I returned with feeling better about myself and feeling bit closer to the world.

hangman

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Two pages of my diary

29^th august 2007

4:00 a.m.

I couldn’t sleep, not a new thing for me. Even the reason is not new. For the first time in my life I am feeling like I am deeply attracted to somebody whom I haven’t met for the last 2 years. And 2 years before when we meet it was too brief to be called as a meeting.

Now I feel the thing is getting out of control. She has disturbed me unknowingly and unwantedly. I don’t know what love is or what its symptoms are? But the attraction I am suffering from has shaken me. Against my nature and opposite to my behaviour I am forced to contact her. I am not sure if I would b able to.

Initially I thought it is just a crush and it will die out with time as they usually do. But it was not to be. More the time I provided to myself, stronger the feeling aroused in me. Thing seems really unbearable as for now. For now the feeling inside me is to just let her know what I think about her. For now it seems that it will be better if I tell her all. But I know it will only yield more distress for me, irrespective of how she responds.

On the name of recent memory I have only 5-10 minutes which I spent sitting beside her. We didn’t talk. Still I am sure she still remembers me. Sometime I fantasize she too keep remembering me as often and simultaneously as I do. It’s rubbish if someone thinks practically and logically.

Sometime I hear about her from someone. Everything I hear anything about her, I feel a pinch in my heart, I hope it doesn’t shows on my face. I have heard she has got a stable boyfriend. If I am able to tell her everything successfully, I think how unfortunate it would be that she has to choose one out of him and me. Maybe she has already chosen. Still I don’t even want to think what her decision would be? As someone guilty don’t want to think of his judgement day. Its so pressurising.

I don’t know what will happen? I can’t speculate nor I want to. But whatever happens I know that my problems are far from over. Miracles are unexpectedly expected. At last I feel like I too am in a mess like most of us do at different stages of our life.

My only wish to god is that he or she provide me with the courage to bear all the positives as well as negatives. And give her the courage to decide right from heart keeping everything else at bay.

I am bit sure of my failure but after that I’ll not be ashamed that I didn’t give it a try.

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05^th September 2007

3:30 a.m.

Things are not getting better. They rarely do. I contacted her and not so amazingly she didn’t respond. I have till now spent a considerable amount of my life. Hence I have been refused, rejected and ignored over thousand times for over thousand reasons by over thousand people. Still I don’t understand why it hurts afresh when someone ignores you. Rarely anyone would disagree that it is painful to conceive that you are NOT liked or demanded or loved.

I am not getting into materialistic thing that why she didn’t replied. Because the answer could be anything in the range of ‘not liking me’ to ‘not was in the mood to’. Big thing is what my condition is now?

The best thing about me is that I can think over what I am thinking. It is hard to control one’s thinking yet easier than controlling other’s thinking. i still am attracted to her and still am determined to woo her. But I am truly fearful that if she still refuses to respond, it could unsettle me. I may lose my track and get disturbed which I don’t want to.

She could have replied that ‘she don’t like to be in contact with me’ or she simply would have told ‘I am not of her interest’. Instead she didn’t reply at all. But then girls are not like boys. Her non-responsive reply gives hope that she may reply in future if I persist. It gives a warning too that she don’t like me and if I persist she would have to rebuff accordingly. I am filled with an emotion which consists of hope and fear simultaneously.

I can’t blame her for the reason she don’t know what’s there in my heart and mind. There is noone to blame still I feel an urge to blame someone other than me.

Earlier I use to fantasize that whenever I would contact her, she would reply positively. I would open my heart, would represent myself to her. And many more things which I am embarrassed to mention over. But since she didn’t replied I am left with little to fantasize. The hope too have got smaller. People live with their dreams but when they realise that reality is going against their dream the situation gets pathetic and one can hear the panicking alarm.

As a concluding remark I would say that I have found a strong reason to keep me tensed, sored, frustrated and perhaps living. Future is a synonym of uncertainity.Uncertainity is a heterogeneous mixture of hope and fear. Hope and fear are two faces of same coin which can’t stand on its edge.

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