Stop it!!

I feel It's that time again, I am feeling down, sad and lonely. more internally than externally.

I guess I consciously try to avoid talking about myself, my insecurities but today I won't hold any bar. What's wrong with me? I guess I am born 20 years or so late. I don't gel very well with the current culture. I always feel left alone. Of course it's my behaviors which are the main reason.

I will talk about myself only, today 04-07-2013 05:02 AM I am still awake with a very stoic feelings. This feeling is not new to me but it still strike afresh and it's so very effective. What triggered this feeling? Well say news of someone getting seperated who never was really close to me but I really adored her throughout.

I never talked to her, never touched her. She barely knew about my existence in the world. And now the news that perhaps I will never see her again is so killing me. I don't know how to overcome it. and it disturbed me so much of so that even a lazy person like me is forced to write it down in hope that I may find some solace.

Loneliness is crushing and to most of us it's a big monster, but in my case it's even more scathing because I am the reason of my loneliness, my doubts, my stubbornness, my values and my ego. All in all I am an unbearable soul and it can well be said that I don't have the right to crib since I am the culprit.

When I look at my parents who are getting older and the thought that they will be gone one day shatters me so much that I desperately try to not to think on that line but it's inevitable. It's law of nature. Still I feel I would never be able to come to terms with the idea of my existence without them. They always complains that I don't call. Well I don't because a) I am a procrastinator and b) I really have nothing to talk to them.Still I feel my existence is nullified without my parents.

Next when I think about my friends. I was and am an introvert. I didn't make much friends. But I thought I made quality friends. They all have special places in my heart even though to a few I am not on a talking terms. I lost virtually all of them and they too got busy in their respective lives. I am not complaining I mean this is how it happens what I miss that had I been a bit more expressive and active maybe I would have maintained a better tie with my friends.

My Love life , a total disaster. had one relationship which I consider as a relationship and I really don't know how the other party thinks of it now maybe a fluke. My mistake was to think that I am acceptable even though my anti outgoing nature. Of course she made me believe that I am special and stuff but think about it doesn't all the guys in love feels similar way. And the biggest bonus for sure was to know the inevitable breakup, the inability to accept it and desperately trying to mend what is already broken. All my dreams and aspirations which I shared with her or which I made her a part of started haunting me. A metaphor would be when a person sees his own house being turned into debris and all he could do is stand and hope that something miraculous will happen and everything will be as what he planned.

I won't say I came out stronger on the other side but something like that. It made sure that I will be always avoiding any serious relationship. what I feel I gone through and the pessimist I am I can only hope that at the very best the same would be repeated. So I decided to take as it comes and avoid relationships, well honestly avoid opportunities. I still fantasize some pretty girl professing about her inner feelings for me and how most of my moves were so attractive and what I consider my weakness is actually cute and other embarrassing truth. These fantasies keeps me afloat, keeps my morale at level if not really high and also it passes the time really well.

But in the time like these when someone I had a huge crush on and to whom I never made a move because let's say I was too coward is silently going out of my life. Those fantasies are proven shallow, not a great feeling. Anyway there was nothing and there was nothing going to erupt, then why the hell I feel sad and why only me and why not those crushes? Those beautiful face which you can't ignore, you can't dislike I mean how can you, who hates a smiling baby? Similarly this girl was/is adorable, graceful, down to earth and married. A look at her relieves a lot of worldly worries. And I won't be able to see that again is really saddening.

In the counter argument one can say that I would find another girl to have a crush on. I don't think I will considering the circumstances around but let's say maybe I will but even though it doesn't lessens anything because the attachment I had on this girl will not be carried over to the new girl. This attachment will remain their unfulfilled and then a new attachment will start with the new person and then whole thing altogether again.

with this good girl I fantasized that I will tell her a beautiful story which I read in childhood and which I am sure she didn't ever hear and I felt we will have a bond and understanding and henceforth. Which story? I can't declare it's reserved for her or maybe someone like her.

Why are we cursed in this strange way, Why we have such a world where neither being a woman is easy nor being a man. It's not that we are incomplete without each other It's more of that we are not meant to be complete.

Anyway I feel she would always be there in my heart just like my parents and my friends are though none of them are destined to be with me always.

Do I regret that she will never come to know as how I felt about her? I am sure that I do. I feel like if message of my feeling would have been traversed to her even without any of her reciprocation I feel my feelings for her would have got more meaningfulness. But when I get above personal gratification and start looking into bigger picture maybe it's good that these feelings stayed with me than getting out in blue water and creating nuisances.

I am thinking if by chance she reads it , will she by some mystical intuition come to know that it's written about her? practically thinking she can't because I haven't left any hint. I think I am a dreamer and gets disturbed every time when my dream is broken. But It feels great in living in dream because we create a better world than the world we live in. We love better in dreams.

Don't know how to ends this, writing it down certainly helped though it didn't get rid of my frustrations, I guess it just synchronized them.

Let's hope that there comes an end to these cycles but that's almost like hoping for world peace.            

Current Affairs

I don't know why I chose the heading as current affairs maybe because people seems to be most concerned about current affairs. Current Affairs I think helps us getting all the emotions out of us on a very regular basis.

If we take some example, the killing of children by a US gunman without a solid motive brought the shock and grief reaction out of people, when Delhi chief minister told that Rs. 600 is enough for a family of five for a month it brought some surprise mixed with ridicule sort of emotions out of people. When gangnam style made the news people reacted with unusually refreshing sort of feelings.When Digivijay Singh or Rakhi Savant make any news people get what an asshole sort of feelings. Current affairs keep us occupied from our otherwise monotonous life.

Similarly this Delhi Rape case which happened quite recently it brought the feeling of disgust and anger in the people. In this era of facebook and twitter every emotions is shared in fact shout aloud by everyone. well everyone has the right to it and they are using it, it's a great thing to know. What is hurtful to me is volatility of these feelings. It's sad to know that all of these feelings are only till a new current affairs comes into picture. The old ones become 'old' and persisting it misses the enthusiasm of newness. This meaninglessness somehow makes me less reactive to any of these news.

These angers reflect in their facebook status and tea/coffee talk. and it's supported by likes and share. In fact I really get baffled that had it not been facebook I never could have known that some of my friends are so sensitive and sensible and had high values and for some I could have never known that they really are aware of what's going on in world. But thanks to Mark (Zuckerberg), other than making billions of money he sort of made us more aware about each other.

Some of the people's intensity of anger can be calculated by their idea of executing the criminals (read rapists) to name a few are cutting off their male organs, skin them out and beat to death, cut them into pieces and let the dogs eat the pieces, impaling them etc. (I didn't make any of them). I don't know. I won't shed tears if the culprits meet any of those fate, I mean they deserved it, Heinous is a subdued adjective of the crime they committed. But I have always believed that life is way harsher a punishment than death. no matter how gory the death is it will never meet the trauma a person can get when he is alive. slowly after slowly in loneliness you start regretting what you did because you have nothing else to do, no one else to talk, you only think of what you did, what you could have done and after some time you get at a point you break-up and you regret but you can't do anything about it. that helplessness is way more painful than any possible torture. Or maybe their exists some torture I am unaware of.

But as I said that's my view....maybe killing them in a barbaric way be an example for other (potential) rapists. Again I feel fear might be a deterrent but it's not a solution.

Also like many I don't buy the rubbishes that 'she was inviting for rape' through her dress or through the time she was out. These can't and would never qualifies even anything close to an excuse. How a person dresses is none of anyone's business well until and unless it's offending to some other caste, creed, religion etc. But funny thing is the logic. you can talk logic to people, but you can't talk logic to criminals, they are not logical. If someone is robbing you in the midnight you can't tell them that look no matter how much money I am carrying it's none of your business. And people who are logical enough would never rob you.

As for why rape happens, their is not one reason to pin-point. How I see is it could be a plain and simple remorseless crime which depicts the way society sees a woman, as a prize....I said society because male sees women as a prize and does women helps in getting rid of that prize mentality? Open question. A rape could be a revenge, some guy could be humiliated by some girl who doesn't give a shit about him. It also could be mindless power rampage....I think this is what happens in Delhi or elsewhere mostly young, arrogant brats getting together and trying to prove to each other how badass they are (initial half an hour of 'A Clockwork Orange') and taking pride in it.

Rape happens in all the societies, each societies try to fight it in different ways, some society try to get rid of this by their efficient law and order (mostly European and modern society), some have barbaric law (beheading and stoning to death). With India it isn't either.

Few years back someone asked then President Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan as why rape is happening in Pakistan at such a large scale, he replied that 'rape happens, it happens in India and France also'. I guess by bringing India in the example he sort of subdued the allegation because it would have been a real issue and humiliation had it not been happening in India, now they feel a little content. It's like feeling good that not only you are in deep shit, your rivals also are.

but that happened few years ago so it doesn't qualifies as current affairs, which actually is the topic. Once upon a time Anna Hazare was the current affair. I myself participated in the candle march, now people are bit bored of the agitation which Anna Hazare still time and again threatens the government with.

Few months back Aamir Khan's TV venture Satyameva Jayate was the current affair, the first episode about dowry was so scintillating that I had to feel some people's emotional or otherwise outburst when I told that people have got the mentality to see and feel the issue through a celebrity's spectacles so much of so that I sometime get confused is it the celebrity being addressed or the issue is being.

I learnt that when people are emotionally involved I should keep my views to myself. No one in particular like to know that he is following a known pattern and what he is excited about is momentary.

few days back I asked one of those guy so what was the topic addressed in the last episode of Satyameva Jayate? He replied he couldn't watch last few episodes. I don't think he got my point in asking the question.

Excuse me, I guess I am not that good person from heart, I am little stone heart-ed  one can say. But I believe in sincerity, I believe in patience, I don't believe in changing the world overnight. I believe in being an example than an allegation.

see you on next current affair.

29-12-2012 03:30 AM IST update -

And the concerned rape victim died. her death is tragic and shameful. Words fails you on these occasion. 

Comparisons..

A. Ever got that feelings (I'm sure you did) when you feel bad if something good is happening to someone you know or better you like just because it gives you a sense of "left out" and very quickly you hold yourself and gets a guilt feeling for thinking in that lane on the ethical ground. You make yourself understand that you should be happy that this good is happening to that person beyond yourself.

B. The corollary to above feeling is a more common feeling in which you feel good if something negative and bad happens to someone because it makes you feel that you are not the worst and hence not alone. It makes you feel good about yourself.

If you were not a brilliant student in school and just average and below average then try to remember the guy whom you were sure would get lesser marks than you. you didn't had ridicule or hate feeling toward him you just were content that he would be worse than you. In fact there is an unrealized likeliness for that very person.

I have come to ascertain that these feelings though considered menial and negative but is also a very natural feeling. We just try to evade/ignore/avoid/suppress this very feeling but in my opinion it's better to accept this feeling and understand our own insecurities behind this.

If you take A into consideration it's simply a residue of "left-out" feeling. As a natural tendency all we do is to compare our own life with that person's in a split of second and find a lull and void in our life whereas in that person's life it's a progress and something welcoming good happening. So we feel sad about ourselves which when not tackled grows to feeling bad in general and sometime a silent and dark wish that this good must not happen to that person.

Whereas B for me is little easy and in some way funny feeling when we feel good if something bad happens to someone we know and we like because in the very depth all we do is feel close to that person as he is down and simply like in the above paragraph we compare our life with that person's and find ourselves lucky/better/happening than the other person's that makes us feel better about ourselves which again is when not handled is feeling good at others' misery.

At home suppose you are writhing in pain or illness and asking to god as "Why me?" feeling that you have been eternally punished and feeling so low about your own being that you feel not much interest in your life as such. Slowly you get into depression and from window you see people laughing, talking, playing carelessly and you feel that you are cursed as such as you are not blessed for what others are blessed.

After someday you visit to a doctor and while waiting on for your number you start to have a look at other patients bit closely and you see some people in really such a pathetic condition that it sends a chill in your spine and you totally sort of forget yourself and even your pain. You subconsciously realize if your life is curse what are theirs'? You thank god that you are not punished like them, you feel your problem to be puny and nothing compared to some of them. Sometime you just wonder how they are even living their life? All in all while sitting their you tends to slowly feel good about yourself, you feel more positive.

This is not about you and me, I guess it is just about all of us, it's the tendency to comparing ourselves to others. Is there a solution to that? For me there is no solution as such if we don't take it as a problem anyhow. We should understand that our life is our own it could be dull from someone else as well as it will be brighter from some. If we can't help but compare we should be smart enough to not to value those comparisons.  We must understand that the inferiority and superiority is only relative(thanks to Einstein). The fact is our life our life and it is actually as dull as our view of it and as bright as our assumption of it.

I won't tell that when you feel low look for the good and blessings in your life because in that frame of mind it would be really hard. I believe how a thing looks is very much the way we look it. the world is beautiful or ugly believe it or not both are true. It's how we perceive things.

I won't preach to change your way of looking life all I can say that don't take it too seriously no matter how it looks that way it would help you being hopeful yet humble and not arrogant or depressed.
     

Our brains out of our hand.

I am inspired and charged. why?  read a few of my old post and suddenly it stuck me I have got to write, though i have lots of work today(it's Monday 2AM).

the question against me is always what to write...i am putting conscious effort not to write about politics, religion etc. But I will someday.

I want to write about something which I myself haven't noticed till now. I am not joking and it's too much evident for me that I write best when I am hurt, sad, angry or disappointed. Yes those are negative traits but they brings the best out of me without fail when it comes to writing. Now how can I say I write good in those scenario? How can I judge my own scripture? But if I can that's my judgement. It's more of an observation than judgement.

One thing I can write anytime is about girls, there is much to write, when I start thinking how or why I get attracted to me...i can go on writing. But I don't want to be a typecasted writer. :)

So moving on (wished I didn't have to move on from aforementioned topic).

Okay I got it....what to write about.

The source is some small videos i saw today. It was about logic and pattern. Nopes it's not as boring or maybe it is.

So here I start, Do you know our mind search for patterns amongst almost everything and i feel now that this somehow is the foundation of our being keen, enthusiast, sharp on the positive side and finicky, superstitious and racist on the negative side. Racist is a very strong word let's say racist without prejudice.

I feel it's beautiful how our brain is programmed to match things, synchronize things, look for meaning from anything and everything. Whenever we see a thing our brain first and foremost action is to search for if we have seen the same or similar things earlier not, this is a process well known recognizing. Oh that's my bag/shoes/towel/father feeling is the effect of that process.

I think when our brain in the process of finding that if we have already seen or felt the same or similar things and even after looking deeper in memory it is not sure then that's the stage of something similar to 'deja vu'. I have always believed that if you would try very hard to remember something which you have not seen then many a time your brain will subterfuge an image of what you want to see to soothe your desire to see. Try to force yourself to remember something which you have never seen before and soon you will start seeing false images in your brain.

It's scary to know that our brain cheats us many a times. We control our brain or our brain controls us? I am not sure but  much of ourselves is controlled by our brain. Yes what we call (desire of) heart is actually a part of brain itself we refer it our heart because heart movement varies much according to our desires for example if a very beautiful girl comes too near then our heart start beating faster and mind wants her so we conclude that "my heart wants her".

Not straying from the topic therefore (my heart want to talk about her). Our mind takes all possible evidence and tries to make sense out of that. Think of a suspense thriller and watched the suspense was the part your brain couldn't guess and that's why it was thrilled when the suspense uncovered and if you guessed the suspense agree with me that it wasn't really a thriller since you knew things beforehand.

We all know that magic is nothing but trickery, presentation and science synchronized together to amuse us. I remember one magician interview in which he said that whenever viewer watches magic shows their brains are programmed in such a way that they start having endless guessing in their mind as how the magic was possible it somehow gives the magician to pull off his trick because viewers minds are already in the process of searching and deciphering the trick. In that deep process obvious reasons are ignored and that's what magician encash upon.

How you felt when you got to know the trick behind some magic, you feels something in between "how cheap" and disappointed. you feel cheap because your brain was applying some strong logic and assumption but reality was much more simpler and same is the reason for being disappointed.

Cons are similar to magician only with evil intentions, it's not the cons that con us but it's our brain that fails you and perhaps that's why being conned is much more annoying and frustrating than being robbed.

Should I write more?

have you ever seen in clouds and searched for known figures and shapes? I bet you even found a few. Yes brain at work.

On the hindsight it looks a very beneficial and positive trait that our brain search for patterns and logic and reason in everything but it can and have mostly bad impact also. Here is how? (It's very important)

Since our brain always makes logic with available data we comes with our own theories. Have you ever heard people talking how their race/religion/clan/caste/language/literature is getting diminished/attacked/insulted ? their brain has come up with this theories based on a few incident. those few incidents had the same pattern and that's how brain comes out with those notion so much of so that it ignores the counter incidents. Now these people with such tendencies and notions becomes sort of separatist, hardliners, fundamentalist, haters etc. It gives rise to racist and hatred tendencies.

Think over it.(and don't try to find patterns in it, most likely your brain will come out with a pseudo-theory)

We as humans are better than our brains. Control it, force it for positive development. Never fall pray to your own brain. It would alienate you.

Next, let me think some better way to control our mind.

  

Pets

Alright! pets.

Do you like or own pets?? Why?

Does your pets make you feel like a better person? It makes you feel needed or wanted?

Today I am going to look into the psychology of having pets but foremost a disclaimer of sort.

I am against cruelty, animal or human doesn't matter and no matter what my view is people will continue what they are doing, good or bad. Hence at the end of the day and the beginning of the night it hardly matters fellas. so don't get charged up if anything goes against your ideology.

All sort of pets do we have, I think hardly any animals are there which some people don't have pets. Why only animals many people have humans as pet well in many sense literally.

Dogs, cats and horses are the commonest of all. No doubt they look good and it feels real good in touching them. People who don't like to be touched by or to touch fellow human beings love to sleep with their pets. I wonder why?

Are animals harmless compared to humans? Well up to some extent it's very much true. But that's because humans are intelligent in comparison to Animals. There shouldn't be any doubt because had it been the other way, the vice-versa we would have been some animal's pet, that too if we would have survived their hunting us.

So in a way they cherish the lack of intelligence in their pets, however they always boasts about how intelligent their pets are since it brings the newspaper from front door to breakfast table every morning. It gives us great pleasure to find out that our pets are smarter than what is supposed to be the normal standard of intelligence of that in particular species.

One more reason people go for pets because in the relationship with their pets they don't have to face demands. What an animal would ask from you? Damn! it doesn't have a language to convey. All you see in their eyes are love and respect mostly because they have little or no idea about they are being slaved.

We so very much cry for freedom everyday, children want more freedom from parents, Youngster wants more freedom from system. We all wants more freedom for being self-reliant. If someone takes us as a pet, no matter how good he/she behaves or treats we still want to get free.

Then why not animals? because we provide them food and they are too lazy to fight and compete for food in outside world. They sleep whole day and waits for you because you provide them food and you provide them care. Not because you care for them but because you have time you don't know what to do, you are
somewhat lonely and perhaps you have extra money than what you really needs.

Somewhere read that for a dog his or her master is God. But according to me it's an insult to be considered God by animals. They consider you god because you provide them with food and you shower your otherwise useless love on that animal. What if you continue showering the love as you do but stop providing the food, the daily meal? I wonder if the relation between you and your pet would be as cordial. According to me rather unlikely. So what's it? a give and take relationship between you and your pets?

Sometime I feel that a pet and his master subconsciously yet continuously and mutually fool each other. Try to give it a thought.  

Cards

This has been long.......yet.

Alright today somehow I know what I am going to talk about....so here it is.....I was just watching a movie and suddenly got this idea.

We have cards, greeting cards.......fashion of exchanging cards I feel is diminishing slowly. The reason might be multiple. keep thinking and new will be coming.

But what I think just like there are greeting cards, there should be something like ungreeting cards.......cards which convey the feelings which are genuine and not pleasant. Love, Compassion, Praise etc. are superb feelings and there are cards for them but I guess similarly hate, disgust, disappointment and apathy too are feelings which we can't evade and feels some reason to be conveyed to other beings, specially those who are related to that.

Putting(Read Starting) mildly there should be a card like "Leave me alone" card. I so very much feel the need of this card..... Suppose someone is playing adhesive to you, someone is too impressed with you, someone bugs you every now and then for whatever fucking reason, Someone keep referring you to others, someone keep planning events where he/she falls in the same group/way. You understand all that and genuinely want to convey to that person or group of person that.....just Leave me alone.

Yes, you can say it. but then you have to bear the sudden feedback and reactions which you have no reason to bear. you can text him, mail him or other means......but then cards are more classy and in these scenarios presumably effective too.

Dear whoever,

I really am flattered with your addiction with myself, but you must understand that its annoying sometimes when someone takes you as their pet or private property or want to own you or want to get owned by you, Of course it's not the case with you and to make sure that it does not become so............Leave me alone.

Distantly yours,
me

I think this would do. It would convey the message with the least amount of offense. Also it would make them more aware about how people are taking their behavior.

Let's talk about some other types

Get a life card -  This card should be provided to the people who suggests some perverse or disgusting actions habitually or intentionally. It would also suit on people who try to demean others and feels the essence of superiority however from others' point of view they are total jackass while doing so.

I don't like you card - This card I guess should be used very carefully and only when apt. There are people whom we genuinely don't like. They don't mean any harm to us. They are just normal people but say you don't like them. Their way of talking/laughing/working/dressing/eating etc. This card must be used with least malafide intentions.

Fuck yourself card - This would be close second in term of potency and feelings to the "I Love You" card I suppose. As we all gets this feeling more often to various person but we digest it and hence puts a burden on our subconscious. This card if exchanged between couples can be called "Break-up card" because that would be evident. However it would save you a little drama if its in the form of card and isn't said directly. Caution : This card should be avoided as much as possible in professional and business world because when the scene changes which does changes in professional world quite often, someone might return the card to you and that won't be pleasant.

Eden's Apple

In addition to the earlier post Intellectual this is one more short story from Harishankar Parsai.......this is bit shorter and much lighter.......only a pint of sarcasm in it, still witty and thoughtful. The context also is known to most.

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Millions of year ago God, who is also known by many different names, started a garden of Apples. This garden was called 'Eden Garden'. There used to be good apple crop, selling of which produced good money for God. About Eden garden God has fueled strange rumors which made the garden mysterious. He spread the rumor that in garden at apple trees there lives a poisonous and large snake. Due to this very rumor the children from the secondary school nearby didn't use to get inside the garden neither their teacher used to tell them to bring apples.

One year due to some unknown reason there was a bad apple crop. Though the quantity of apples were much but all of them were tasteless and rotten from inside. God tried a lot but no one really got ready to buy them. A few customer who took it returned in an hour or so with complains. God was really worried. All the crops were useless and he didn't has the hope of selling them.

One day 'Eve' came to God. Eve was a supremely beautiful lady. She was intelligent too. This rarely happens. It was the same Eve who started the 'Eve's weekly' magazine which is still circulating. In east so old magazine is only the one started by Lord Shiva 'Shankar weekly'.

The whole locality was attracted to Eve. Just to watch her there used to be a crowd. Eve asked God the reason of his worry. God replied "Whole crop of apple has gone bad. No one is ready to take them even for free".

Eve said "I can make all of your apple sell". God smiled and said "You shouldn't be so proud of your beauty. It stays for few days only. Its momentary".

Eve said "Your philosophy won't work, the problem is to how to sell these useless apples which would be rotten in a week. I can do this miracle".

God said "Alright, If you can do then try".

Eve plucked an apple and took that to a photographer. She smilingly kept the apple in her mouth and got photo shot. God made the block of that picture. Eve went to a newspaper agency and published an advertisement in which Eve is smilingly eating the apple and beneath that it's written - "beautiful Eve says - I always eat apples from Eden garden. They are tasty and effective. My skin has become soft and shiny by eating this"

From the next day the advertisement started coming in the newspaper. The bill of the same advertisement were stick on walls everywhere.

The first victim of the advertisement was 'Adam'. Adam was the hero of the locality. He was crazy for Eve. he came close to Eve and asked "These apples are really so good? You like them?"

Eve sarcastically replied "Yes, am I lying?"

Adam said "then I too would eat, Let's buy an apple and we eat that together".

Adam bought an apple; half he gave to Eve, half he ate himself. This incident was known to everyone.

The effect of advertisement started. men anyway were ready to accept Eve's request. When women looked at the advertisement initially due to jealousy they said "Okay, the bitch got her picture in newspaper too!" then looked at the last sentence - "My skin has become soft and shiny by eating this" so called their husbands "Listen!! I am telling that while returning from office bring one kilo of Eden apple".

After a month Eve returned to God and said "Tell me, God".

God said "All sold out!".


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Do let me know your feedback. Thanks and peace.

Sophistication.

The world is getting sophisticated. Sophistication it seems is the new fashion..many years earlier it used to be simplicity.

People earlier used to prove(read project) themselves simple. They took the pride in being simple. Simplicity is somehow in many sense is connected to natural......well it seems so. On that line Sophistication seems to be linked with artificial.

I mean look around yourself......Nature always represents its process as simple......but the artificial definition we try to bring out is sophisticated. The simpler the process the more sophisticated is the reason behind it. Example would be like it's very simple and rather natural that a guy falls in love with a girl or vice-versa. Now why?? and the reasons could be mindlessly sophisticated....it would travel and include all the fields. The answer to it will take you into deep biology, strange chemistry, little philosophy, somewhat history, without doubt sociology and much much more and when you try to synchronize all that its shitty business.

A rather simple thing became complex for no good reason. Human have tendencies to search for answer and this in many ways and without doubt is the core reason for our progress. It has been a boon to humanity in terms of science, discovery and thousand more fields.

But do we really need to make it a habit to sophisticate things? Can't we just make things simple just as it is? I mean do we really need to find the reason behind every mundane things? Let's even not mundane things then harmless things. Does analyzing, scrutinizing and hence judging has gone deep into our bones? So much of so that we started applying it on humans.

Every lowly asshole starts analyzing some great personality with whatever bits and pieces of knowledge he/she has got. Every other day I heard someone demeaning Gandhi or other Greats, questioning his tactics, way of working. People who don't have the courage to stand against some visible malfunctioning of Government system. People who would silently pass with the none-of-my-business capsules if there is some wrong-doing is happening right in front of himself, they judge historical greats on moral and ethical ground. they question the character of people who with their strength did what others found impossible. Somehow I feel a critics thrives on the hard work of others....Alright the previous line is taken from the animation movie "Ratatouille"........Still it makes much sense to me.

People are so quick to blame and demands the sacking of cricketer, footballer or players. Whereas it's quite obvious that those people wont be able to execute what he expects the players to execute. He is relieved subconsciously that no one is going to ask or question about his/her personal life. He has the blessing that no one is interested in him. Hence he feels quite free to use his index and sometime middle finger on someone who don't have the luxury of not being famous.

Actually we strayed.....the topic was about sophistication as the new "in" things. Everyone seems to be toiling hard enough to prove his character and/or thinking sophisticates. People follow a sophisticated lifestyle. They behave complex on purpose it seems because it purports him/her as a unique mystery. It makes him/her interesting. Deep down he/she is barren and vacant and too ordinary. The outside effort is more to balance this inner void. Does he succeed? yes he does. Now how he succeed? that's an interesting question, answer I have already provided. Can you guess??

(Take your time here with slow deep breathes)

because people are there to analyze and scrutinize him. We have made a habit of analyzing other person. those analysis are based on mostly external behavior which the person has already transformed into sophistication and the analyzer since is analyzing things which is on purpose sophisticized, is most likely to short on logic to define the person's personality and that is how he finds him interesting, because he wasn't able to simplify the behavior. If his behavior would have been rather simple, the analyzer would have well categorized him in his pre-defined and self-defined categories and have not worried much about him.

So is it good or bad? When someone asks me if it is good or bad my obvious question is - if it's bad, can you stop it?? If not then it doesn't matter if it's good or bad. why to bother about good or bad?

Is there any alternatives? well I first thought that if you connect to the person and then analyze him/her your analysis will have better penetration and you would be able to see if the sophistication is genuine (it's not mostly) or It is worn. But its ideal coz if the person has put a sophisticated interface for himself it is unlikely that he would let you connect to his inner integrity easily. He fear that if you come to know his inside lull and very ordinary personality, he would be exposed. Which he won't want.

*Started feeling sleepy*

 I hate to bring out a conclusion on this matter. I just wanted to represent a view. And I guess the motive has been fulfilled.

You can tell in comments how sophisticated you are or how simple you are or do you put an effort to be something which you aren't truly inside?

Intellectual

I just read this story "Buddhiwadi"(Intellectual) by Harishankar Parsai.....Harishankar Parsai is well known Hindi writer and humour/sarcasm is his forte.....This particular story did drag my attention, particularly due to its relevance with the current flow of changing human behavior in certain direction.......other than that its well written too.

Note: Excuse me for my limited word collection and grammatical mistakes.

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Life is made of blessings.

In childhood he helped an old beggar by supporting him in crossing the Road. The beggar blessed - "Son, may you be like me.". The old beggar must have meant his age, however he took the other meaning and became a teacher.

He was a teacher. Once he saved the life of a bat. The bat gave the blessing -"Brother, may you be like me". Whatever was the meaning of Bat, he became Intellectual. He flies with confidence and ego and when he sleeps with his leg up in the confidence that if by chance the Sky fall he will hold it with his feet.

Life made of blessings has now such a condition that he has a fixed salary of two to two and half thousand rupees*. He has a villa and car, both son are in good job and the daughter is doing research. In such condition even a honest person would become intellectual however he is not that honest. he was late in being.

After a stay of two year in foreign when he returned, relatives and known got the idea that he has become really intellectual. Drama loving people used to go to visit him and then tell that he has really became intellectual. One such person saw him down from his window and told he really has became intellectual....he is looking toward roof like he is calculating in how many year this roof would fall. One more saw him loitering in the garden and told - when he looks toward flower , it starts vibrating, He has become enormous intellect.

One day we went to visit him - my friend and I. On Phone he told us to come after half an hour. We in those days were collecting money for the relief work for the people who suffered in Storms in east - Pakistan*. we thought we would meet him and also get some donation from him.

We got into his room. Really he was changed. Black frame spectacles was gone, instead of that there was thin golden color frame spectacles. the glitter in his eyes and the shine of the frame were producing bright dazzle by reflecting each other. There was a restlessness in his stature. Restlessness is usually negative, but on his face it was positive restlessness. The restlessness was on the worse condition of the world. Pleasure was mixed with the pride in him that he has seen this worse condition of the world. His left side lower lip was drawn a little toward his ear and that was producing a little opening in between the lips. That little opening was the only place on his face from where the voice used to come out, rest mouth was closed. We speak from the whole mouth but Intellectual takes out their calculated words only from the left corner of his mouth. We laugh by opening our full mouth but Intellectual pull his left corner lip toward his nose and their is some movement in the nostrils and we get the honored message that - I am amused!! You are laughing but I am just feeling a little pleasure. Boorish people laugh, an intellectual only takes the wit.

On the table 5-6 books were placed backward in such a way that they are unintentionally and carelessly left their while studying. But even carelessly left they were in such an alignment that every book name was clearly visible. I was impressed by his knowledge of books. Even if they(books) would fall carelessly still carefully in such a way that the book name doesn't hide. I understood he wasn't reading the book, he called us after half an hour. In that half an hour he must have worked hard on the alignment and placing of the book. intellectual was continuously trying to draw our attention toward the books. He want us to be amused and say - How many types of book you read!!! We don't have even heard of the name of these. We are postponing in being amused. Intellectual gets restless.

He made us sit like that to look toward us he has to move his head for 35 degree. by moving his head for 35 degree, putting his elbow on the couch, placing his chin on the palm whenever he looks at us we gets pressurized by his intellectual terror. We feel so lowly about ourselves. On his face and eyes a magic is induced. When seeing us from this angle, slow serious voice coming right from the belly, he says - To my mind - Then we feel that this voice is coming from somewhere up in the clouds.But the sky is clear. We come to know with great effort that this voice is coming from the small opening of the left side of the lips of the Intellectual. Whenever he says 'To my mind' then I feel I don't have mind. There is only one mind in the world and he has it. If he had not his head moved to an angle of 35 degree and his chin were not on his palm he might have looked a very ordinary person. He must have put great effort in learning the art of depicting intellect by angles.

There is a flow in intellectual. Head movement has flow, palm movement has flow, his standing has flow, walking has a flow, his opening drawer has a flow, taking out book has a flow, turning the pages from the book has a flow. Every movement is slow. light personality gets nervous. His personality is beneath so much weightage of his wisdom that it can't make much movement. To me his intellect seems to be like an obese person who walks slow with heavy feet.

He said - Only after visiting Europe I understood that we are inferiors.
 I said - To know our inferiority you had to visit so far?
He answered - One who is to fall can't see that he is falling, people from far only can see his falling.

At that time I felt that we are fallen in a pit and from the up he is telling us that we have fallen. He has seen our falling so he is not one of those who is falling.

My friend asked - What's the reason of our inferiority/falling?
 Intellectual thought by closing his eyes. Then looked toward us and said - To my mind, We don't have character.

He told us our being inferior in such a way that he is satisfied with it. If we haven't been such how he would have got the opportunity to know and say that our he is clearly seeing our falling.

My Friend thought it necessary to talk about the point at that juncture and said - There has been a massive destruction in the east- Pakistan by storm.
He told the macabre and/or touching stories of death/epidemic and starvation.

Intellectual kept listening. We two were waiting for the effect. The effect was that from the left corner of his mouth he said - Yes. I have read it in newspaper.

At that point we felt that the people of east-Bengal* got honored that he has read about their bad condition. The storm became meaningful.He has done big charity on illness and starvation.

I said - we are collecting money for those affected people.
We are there to collect money, he thought we were there to collect knowledge.

He kept his chin on his palm and said in known cloudy serious voice - Nature balances. east -Pakistan population got too much hence to balance that Nature sent the storm.

In that duration , in the lack of his help one more person would have died in east Bengal.

If someone is sinking, he would not save him instead he will think about surface tension and density.
If someone is dying from hunger, Intellectual won't give him piece of bread he would start telling about the statics about the productivity of crops of different countries.
By seeing an ill person he won't arrange for medicine instead he will read to him the World Health Organization report.
If someones comes now and tell him about the death of his father. Intellectual won't be sad, He would start telling about genetic science and hereditary system.

We let go the expectation of donation from him. If we would ask him about the money, he will start telling about the economy of the world.
Now we left ourselves to Intellectual.

He was thinking and kept thinking, After much thinking he brought from the deep oblivion the truth which till now no one has ever brought. He said - To my mind, the ever greatest enemy is poverty.

By telling this in a sentence formula, the intellectual gave us time to think about it. We thought much about it but still for the solution for the problem of poverty we again had to return to Intellectual. I asked - How the poverty can be banished from world?
Intellectual said - I have thought Capitalism and Communism both are anti-human. We should increase the productivity by using advanced technical ways.
I asked- But what should be the system for distribution?
Intellectual - That I am thinking nowadays, trying to build a theory.

After proposing a ray of light toward the humanity the Intellectual became silent.

My friend said - We would have to recreate the society.
Intellectual again looked toward us and said - The first responsibility of the society is that it should destroy itself. Society must destroy itself. Infested with these caste, creed and color differences, Society must abolish then a new will be created.

I Thought to ask - If the whole society gets destroyed then how much million years it will take for the Nature to create Human(e)? I didn't ask. Got satisfied with the thinking that 'Only I understand' this feeling makes a person arrogant.

Intellectual can talk about Marxism, can talk about Einstein and Freud. can talk about Vivekananda and Confucious. After telling every statement he gives us time to understand digest that. He knows that for the first time we are listening about these talks.

We asked - Then what you have thought about the sickness of the world. How will this sickness be cured?
 He closes his eyes and thinks. We get ready to listen to big statement. Intellectual says - Ultimately I have to return to Gandhi. Love.

Intellectual has now come to revolutionaries, says - Student power! Youth power! We should give freedom to the young generation of our society. They will change the world. Any Country which suppress it's young generation can never make progress. Look at this book by Professor Marcuse. This book by Cohen Bendi.

Intellectual got serious. He has told ultimate truth.
He started to get up, At that point servant brings to him a letter.

Intellectual started reading letter. By reading the changes in him was visible. 35 degree angle of head started reducing. He sat straight. the curve of lips vanished.The wisdom in his eye vanished, instead there came worry. Face got straight and he started breathing fast. Intellectual now was seeming rather simple.
 Intellectual squeezed the letter in hi fist, took out his spectacles. We were looking at naked eyes which were diminished. Shine went off with spectacles itself. ego perhaps was squeezed with the letter in his fist.

I asked -  You look worried. Is everything alright.
Intellectual was startled and to us he seemed like a child whose toy is broken.
By taking deep breath Intellectual said - What time has come!
I asked - What happened?
 Intellectual said - Daughter was there at her Aunt house at Lucknow. She married there and I didn't know.
I asked - What does the boy do?
He said - He is Engineer.
I said - Then it's good.
Intellectual erupted - What's good in it. I will send him to jail.

A great moment was there to us. Some intricate truth about the inter-relation of human was to come from his mouth. Now his mouth is opening full. Earlier with spectacles he use to say with his curved lips. now he talks with opening his full mouth.

What does the intellectual analyze about this situation! Youth power? basis of men-women relationship? Freedom of marriage?

We look toward his face and his worries grows, Still squeezing the letter. He is perhaps eager to tell this news to his wife but we are eager to know that why he is worried about such a good marriage? There mut be some great philosophical content in it that only an intellectual might understand.

I said - Girl-Boy are adult, marriage happened at her Aunt house, Groom is good. Then why are you sad and worried? Tell us curious people about the mystery so that we too can apply an intellectual dimension toward Life.

He looked at us with his naked and diminished eyes and said with heavy heart - That boy is from low caste! 

           

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* The story is written quite early hence two and half thousand is understood as hefty money
* East -Pakistan or East- Bengal  is the pre 1971 Indo-Pak war name of what is Bangladesh  now.

Hope you would like it........thanks.

Drenched!!

Alright!! Here again..... What to write?? and where to start??

Have you ever done this? Saw a girl once and captured her beauty for forever in your eyes, in your mind....timeless beauty...the beauty without any conundrums or tantrums or burden or responsibility.

I mean why girl only? same could be and is applicable on the beauty of Nature. Think about the best rain you saw......I am sure you have got a picture in your mind or you may just for a flash of second got drenched in the beautiful memory of the best rain you watched or felt or had.

Let me describe mine.........I don't remember when it was, to be true am not sure even if it was or not or just my mind is making it up......it seems unbelievably beautiful.

The scene comes to my mind is of heavy downpour.........what they mean when they say rain lashing out. It has perhaps came after a long wait....It has hit people without notice and they are flummoxed. They are enjoying it but they don't want to forget that they have some responsibility......Fathers are trying to shield their children so that they don't get wet......Fruit sellers and Footpath vendors are trying to protect their stuff so that it does not get wet and spoil. women are running on roof to get the clothes which they put their to dry....its a waste if it gets wet again.

In all this everyone of them have a task.....every drop on their body is multiplying the urgency manifold. With the increase in the water droplets they increase their at to finish their task without wetting. But in all these somewhere their souls are enjoying those droplets.....and that soul's enjoyment is having a conflict with their mind's urgency. They are loving the drops but the notion of practicality is awakening them from suh intoxiating ideas.

children of course seems most excited........children that can be seen as well as those can't be seen. Those who were buried inside ourselves. they are excited again and you are happy to let them be but you just are bit cautious don't to loose your maturity though somewhere you are willing too.

Where am I in all this? Alright I am standing somewhere beneath a big tree.....the tree is not dense hence water are falling in between from the leaves and every drop is awakening me to a higher degree or say higher self. Every drop I feel is taking me lose to purity and innocence. At this point I am not jealous, I am not depressed, I am not selfish, I am not worried.......I am just filled up to neck just like the bucket someone kept to hold the falling water from roof to get inside their home.

Their is a small temple of Lord Hanuman......temple height is just little above the average human height.......it has already accomodated more people than it usually does. Their is small protruding part of ceiling is there to save the temple from windy angled rain to get inside......that protruding part is used as cover for few motorcycle drivers who thankfully decided to not to hurry and wait for the rain to stop.

Since people are close and they are already in the effect of this first rain they feel good in the closeness of other people to whom they usually remain distant for worldly reasons. Now in quest to save their already wet body from more rain they smile to each other whenever their eyes met. Some words also comes out which was not meant to be very meaningful.

this rain is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen and through this post you too have seen.........It was and is and will be worth remembering......simply because it make us feel like human who's buckets are out to receive those excessive flow of joyful, vibrant, watery life.

Hope you would like this wet and drenched post....and don't tell me you had umbrella on while reading this post.........    :)