Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Two pages of my diary
29th august 2007
4:00 a.m.
I couldn’t sleep, not a new thing for me. Even the reason is not new. For the first time in my life I am feeling like I am deeply attracted to somebody whom I haven’t met for the last 2 years. And 2 years before when we meet it was too brief to be called as a meeting.
Now I feel the thing is getting out of control. She has disturbed me unknowingly and unwantedly. I don’t know what love is or what its symptoms are? But the attraction I am suffering from has shaken me. Against my nature and opposite to my behaviour I am forced to contact her. I am not sure if I would b able to.
Initially I thought it is just a crush and it will die out with time as they usually do. But it was not to be. More the time I provided to myself, stronger the feeling aroused in me. Thing seems really unbearable as for now. For now the feeling inside me is to just let her know what I think about her. For now it seems that it will be better if I tell her all. But I know it will only yield more distress for me, irrespective of how she responds.
On the name of recent memory I have only 5-10 minutes which I spent sitting beside her. We didn’t talk. Still I am sure she still remembers me. Sometime I fantasize she too keep remembering me as often and simultaneously as I do. It’s rubbish if someone thinks practically and logically.
Sometime I hear about her from someone. Everything I hear anything about her, I feel a pinch in my heart, I hope it doesn’t shows on my face. I have heard she has got a stable boyfriend. If I am able to tell her everything successfully, I think how unfortunate it would be that she has to choose one out of him and me. Maybe she has already chosen. Still I don’t even want to think what her decision would be? As someone guilty don’t want to think of his judgement day. Its so pressurising.
I don’t know what will happen? I can’t speculate nor I want to. But whatever happens I know that my problems are far from over. Miracles are unexpectedly expected. At last I feel like I too am in a mess like most of us do at different stages of our life.
My only wish to god is that he or she provide me with the courage to bear all the positives as well as negatives. And give her the courage to decide right from heart keeping everything else at bay.
I am bit sure of my failure but after that I’ll not be ashamed that I didn’t give it a try.
________________________________
05th September 2007
3:30 a.m.
Things are not getting better. They rarely do. I contacted her and not so amazingly she didn’t respond. I have till now spent a considerable amount of my life. Hence I have been refused, rejected and ignored over thousand times for over thousand reasons by over thousand people. Still I don’t understand why it hurts afresh when someone ignores you. Rarely anyone would disagree that it is painful to conceive that you are NOT liked or demanded or loved.
I am not getting into materialistic thing that why she didn’t replied. Because the answer could be anything in the range of ‘not liking me’ to ‘not was in the mood to’. Big thing is what my condition is now?
The best thing about me is that I can think over what I am thinking. It is hard to control one’s thinking yet easier than controlling other’s thinking. i still am attracted to her and still am determined to woo her. But I am truly fearful that if she still refuses to respond, it could unsettle me. I may lose my track and get disturbed which I don’t want to.
She could have replied that ‘she don’t like to be in contact with me’ or she simply would have told ‘I am not of her interest’. Instead she didn’t reply at all. But then girls are not like boys. Her non-responsive reply gives hope that she may reply in future if I persist. It gives a warning too that she don’t like me and if I persist she would have to rebuff accordingly. I am filled with an emotion which consists of hope and fear simultaneously.
I can’t blame her for the reason she don’t know what’s there in my heart and mind. There is noone to blame still I feel an urge to blame someone other than me.
Earlier I use to fantasize that whenever I would contact her, she would reply positively. I would open my heart, would represent myself to her. And many more things which I am embarrassed to mention over. But since she didn’t replied I am left with little to fantasize. The hope too have got smaller. People live with their dreams but when they realise that reality is going against their dream the situation gets pathetic and one can hear the panicking alarm.
As a concluding remark I would say that I have found a strong reason to keep me tensed, sored, frustrated and perhaps living. Future is a synonym of uncertainity.Uncertainity is a heterogeneous mixture of hope and fear. Hope and fear are two faces of same coin which can’t stand on its edge.
______________________________
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
A Day Vs The Day
First few seconds, after I wake up are usually taken for understanding simple and basic things as where I am, what date it is, what time it is etc. I hate that little procedure but it happens more often than not. It was the same that day. I was having little problem in my personal life. So ironically after waking up I used to conceive that I have to be sad. And I got sad.
That was around 11 a.m. usual time of my awakening. I live in a hostel and people who live in a hostel understand that. I have a roommate and best thing about him is that he doesn’t disturb me. I have a common friend who happens to be my virtual roommate and worst thing is that he never leaves me alone. So I just woke up and my friend was holding the PC.
My roommate entered after taking the bath and said that one boy of our hostel has tried to commit suicide. I have this habit of not trusting people and it works for me. And these rumours are common at a place where so many people live. So I joked ‘oh really? How the hell he didn’t die?’. And we all laughed.
After half an hour my roommate again came from downstairs and told me that the person hasn’t tried actually he has already committed suicide. I disbelieved but remained silent. After sometime I readied myself to go to downstairs. As I descended I could sniff the very lull. I couldn’t find anyone downstairs. All rooms were empty if not locked. As I came out of hostel I saw a few people flocked there. One of them waved at me. Till that time I was conceived that something has happened but still couldn’t digest the suicide story.
I went to him straight up and asked ‘what happened?’ He told me that the guy has committed suicide by throwing himself against a running train.
‘god. What the fuck?’ my reaction was. I am not telling his name as it is completely irrelevant.
He said the body is recognised and many people have already gone there. I too decided to visit the place of incident more of due to curiosity than of confirmation.
Sometime you don’t want to believe the truth even it is inevitable. You can’t take it at once and need time to accept that.
On the way I found many friends. The question in everyone’s mind was that why he did so? Actually I myself feel embarrass to confess that I too wanted to know the reason more that I felt sad and sorry for him.
Some had the answer. ‘for the girl, he had heated argument with her all night’ one person told me.
‘For the girl?’ I asked myself. I didn’t talk to him much. As a matter of fact we never really talked as such. We just knew each other. Still whatever image in my mind was of him would deny the concept of him killing himself that too for the girl.
He was actually very dynamic and charismatic. Always at the centerstage, gathering everyone’s attention. Exceedingly energetic and aggressive. A performer kind of boy. He was liked by most and envied by rest. I don’t know in what category I fall. But nevertheless I don’t feel sorry that I knew him.
While on the way I found boys talking about how close they were connected to the deceased or how recently they saw him or what kind of guy he was. The pros and cons stuff.
Everyone was recollecting and analysing in their own manner. By the time I reached there the place was already crowded by the locals, hostel boys and college authority representatives.
Many of us didn’t know what to say. But there were people who just couldn’t able to stop themselves from giving expertise on the matter. I sometime think that these people actually utilises such occasion and situation to impress others.
The body was already covered and thank god it was covered. Because those terrifying images gives an imprint on your memory. Even then there were some who were taking credit of seeing it afresh and raw, describing in details. I myself heard someone telling that he saw the lungs. I am sure that his words have made someone felt sorry that he missed.
Then there came another train and they took the body with them for legal and authority purpose.
And we moved back, on the way someone told me that he actually sat on the railway track and SMSed some of his friend. He reportedly wrote that he liked them and the time they spent were special. That girl wouldn’t let him live so he has decided to end his life. They shouldn’t try to search or stop him.
Ofcourse that was short and emotional message. I never tried to know further that what actually was the reason between him and her which ignited such a big decision. Neither I had the mean to know and moreover it was irrelevant to me.
He wasn’t even a friend of mine. I guess we had a missing compatibility for being friend. My calmness was no match to his aggression.
Like many I too believed that he could have been saved by better counselling and better understanding. I thought what prompted him to make such a strong decision. In between his friends he must have been feeling lonely. Among friends we often feel alone but extreme sadness doesn’t go unnoticed. Then there was other means of committing suicide, why getting in way of a running train?
Must have been irrepressible anger. I guess it was actually the act of hurting the girl. By that he wanted to deliver a message to her.
By the time I reached back, everyone was talking about him. Everyone with their own concept and view on the incident. My roommate blamed the whole female breed for that. There were more ridiculous concepts that doesn’t deserve mentioning.
I still can’t understand who is to blame for this? Perhaps no one . These things just happens unfortunately. Just ignore it and move on, which we usually does.
Or perhaps each one of us so busy in ourselves.
I believe everyone in his or her life feels the need to end his life for atleast once. In that phase we find the answer of everything in ending the question itself or better say the subject of the question. Insult, humiliation and sin are this world’s entity. They are there only till the life is there. No life, no problem. It feels ending the life is the salvation from the problems.
Some says it needs courage to end one’s own life. My mother says only the cowards can commit suicide. I find both of them true though they contradict each other.
Once, when I was facing failures after failure, insult and humiliation from the close ones. I found myself absolute lonely. Then the idea of ending my life crept in my mind with an incident which I don’t want to recollect.
But I guess I hold on. I kept postponing the idea and time of execution. Slowly the phase passed and the idea evaporated. When u passes it, it passes u. sometime I think maybe I was too coward or maybe too patient.
I don’t cherish my life, I never did. But now I don’t consider ending it for some worldly reasons. When I wasn’t born with my consent why should I die purposefully?
…………………..THE END…………………………….
Monday, February 2, 2009
Flashback Of a Fool
I don’t know what my age was. But it was long long ago. I used to stay in hostel as my father thought it was best for me. It was vacation time for the festival Holi. Holi is a festival of colour. I didn’t like Holi but it was holiday nonetheless. And every holiday was special as it gave me time to spend with my mother who like all mothers is very charming and loving.
My father accompanied me from hostel to home. On the corner of very street in which my home was, there was the house of my friend. And as I approached closer I found him playing cricket in his courtyard. He saw me and asked about me. There were two other boys very similar to each-other. Anybody could guess they were brothers.
After the usual stop the play resumed. My friend was a dynamic player hence he had many friends. But somehow he used to place me above all probably because my family was economically very stable as compared to others and the quality of my education was higher than him or anybody of them. I didn’t had any specialities to notice. I was more of a dumb kind of boy. But I used to notice and observe and think even more.
As play resumed I noticed there was one more being. And that was the first time I saw her. She was in a white frock. She wasn’t playing but she was there enjoying the game I suppose. Very soon I realised that she was the sister of two boys playing with my friend.
My father went to home assuming that I would stay with my friend. After the denial to play I too was there watching them play. In a way I was feeling closer to her watching them. Slowly the two mutual brother became friends of mine and in a way she too. Though we didn’t talk
Her appearance was quite charming and catchy. She was very thin and even thinner were her legs which I could see from knee to toe.
Next day I met with my friend and he told me that the two boys and their sister were his neighbour and he likes the girl. I too liked her but I didn’t tell him.
That day again we met. This time in her house vicinity. She was wearing the same dress she wore the day before. Everyone was calling her “Mili” so it was useless to ask her name. I and Mili again chose to watch the game rather than play. It gave me opportunity to hear her smallest comment and comment on her comments. I came to know that she and her brothers were actually cousin.
I started talking as I felt comfortable. The brothers told me that one of their teacher’s name is “Maharana pratap”. I started making fun of their teacher’s name. after few comments I realised that she was taking keen interest in my comments. She was laughing on “Maharana pratap” jokes of mine more than others did.
It somehow excited me for making further fun of him. Her beautiful laugh was enough to encourage me and buoyed me. Now when I see the whole episode as an outsider, I find myself stupid enough so much of so that it embarrasses me.
At that time making her laugh was an achievement for me. And in some ways it still is an achievement.
I and her brothers were friend enough for now. Even their mother liked me due to my calm attitude and good behavior. I was somehow an example for them.
One day it was mid-noon and I couldn’t find my friend. I thought he must be in her house playing with her brothers. I went to her home but he wasn’t there. Both the brothers were there. They proposed me to play with them. I agreed as my eyes searched for Mili all over. I couldn’t find her but I could sense she was somewhere there. I knew that there are two elders, one was the brother’s mother and other Mili’s mother. Brother’s mother was sleeping in the front room and I guess Mili’s mother too would have been sleeping somewhere inside.
We planned to play cricket in home as we had nothing else to do. Let us say a dummy cricket with no big shots. Sort of net practice stuff. We started. All was going well until one of the brother couldn’t hold the temptation of playing a booming straight drive past me on my bowling. I saw the ball running deep inside the house. The part of the house which belonged to Mili’s family.
Out of fear of getting scolded they told me to fetch the ball. It was unlikely that I would be scolded but still there was a risk. Had not there been the desire to look out for her, I wouldn’t have agreed.
So I went inside guessing the path of the ball. It took me to the end of the house. There was a door opened. I was flummoxed standing. It was mid-noon silence adding to my confusion.
I peeked inside the room. What I saw is still very fresh infront of my eyes. There was a big bed in one side of the room. And at the head end there was a big window. I saw her sitting on her knees at the floor. She was studying with her books and copies on the bed. I can’t remember if she was holding a pencil or a pen. She had a homely frock on and was leaning on the bed.
My friend had told me she wasn’t good at studies. The sunrays were steeply coming in straight line through the windows on her back. It made her sheer frock glow. Then I can’t understand how but she looked at me. Our eyes met. Everytime our eyes used to meet, I guess I got over-nervous. Before I could speak anything she pointed me out where the ball was.
At that time I was too awe-struck to think anything. But now when I look back at the situation, I assume why she wasn’t as nervous as I was. How she remained so calm? She seemed to have a magical authority on the situation.
As I moved inside the room she herself got beneath the bed to get the ball for me. The upper-half of her body was below the bed and was invisible to me. And the rest visible part of the body made a strange, mirrored-Z shape with upper line going downward. Looking at that make me feel awkward so I looked otherwise. I looked at the air cooler which drew my attention with its strange unpleasant noise.
In no time she came out with the ball. She gave it in my hand, no part of her touched me. I guess the ball was big enough to let our hands meet.
There she smiled. I couldn’t smile back as my mind was pre-occupied.
I came out and play resumed. I secretly wished they play another shot there but I guess they were afraid. Luck too didn’t help.
Then there came Holi. I didn’t like to play but I had friends so I had to play.
While I was reaching to my friend’s home there came a balloon filled with colours fall infront of me. As I looked for its orientation I saw one more on its way. I dodge that successfully. There she was accompanied by her brothers. Her face had a mixed reaction of smile and disappointment of not hitting me with balloon.
It made me smile. She threw another. I didn’t know what to do because dodging that means that she could lose her interest as it would add further in her disappointments. In the confusion I couldn’t move but being a statue too was more of a stupid stuff. In the meantime I could reach out my hands to save myself. And the balloon burst on my hands. It sprayed little splash on me partially.
She got ecstatic. Sometime getting hit too give pleasure. I with my friend come out in street. I really didn’t like playing but nonetheless I was there.
As it got late toward noon, there were few people around, we had this concept to tae late bath so that noone could spray colour on you. Suddenly I realised she was looking at me from her window. Looking became watching. Watching turned out to be staring. And I believe her staring at me made me uncomfortable. I couldn’t behave natural as I was on continuous watch.
Meantime whenever I looked at window. I found her staring at me. I realised she was trying to hold my eyes. She was perhaps trying too much to tell me a lot of things through her gaze.
Yes , I was a kid and even then I realised that. It wasn’t that I couldn’t understand her gaze , it was just that I didn’t have the courage to reply back. I was too nervous and bit fearful. I ignored her as a coward.
I don’t regret as such. Given another chance I would do exactly the same thing because that is ‘me’.
That very evening I went to her house. Her mother feed me delicacies. But I couldn’t find her.
In few days I returned to hostel.
The next time and only time I saw her again was after few years at the wedding party of my friend’s uncle. In the evening as I reached there I was secretly searching for her all over. I even met with the brothers of her. My friend had informed me that she was there. I was as excited as he was. Perhaps more.
My friend told me she was with bride. I peeked into the bride’s room. I was searching for only one face and found that the very face was looking at me. Perhaps she too was expecting me, searching me. Maybe not, just a co-incidence.
She grew fairer, her hair seemed longer and darker. Without doubt she was as beautiful if not more. The only thing missing was her boldness, I guess female attributes was taking over.
The room was filled with women and girls. There was no point in entering that though as a kid I was allowed to.
I peeked in many times and found her looking at me. She still was saying something through her looks.
I could see the very frustration on her face. But I guess I didn’t improved as much as I should have.
I never saw her again. About a month ago I saw the same old friend. We talked about the usual old times. Actually I was creating the atmosphere to ask him about Mili. I asked about her brother and he told me they have grown nuts. And I asked about neighbour’s love.
He told me she is getting married in few days. He even told me she has grown fat and doesn’t look as beautiful. I guess it was truth mixed with ‘sour grapes’ stuff.
He said to me that I should look her now. Honestly I don’t want to.
I guess I don’t want to tamper with her ‘angel-like’ image which I have in my memory. It is too dear to me to lose that.
I still want to remember her as a beautiful girl in white frock with thin legs leaning on bed studying. Having a magical effect around her.
I don’t know how she remembers me. In some ways I feel sorry for her.
Now when I try to concentrate on her face it turns out to be hazy. The more I try to remember her the more I forget her. In a way I lose her everytime I think about her. Even now I couldn’t imagine her in anything else than her trademark frocks.
Now, when sex overpowers a major part of my brain and I have developed a sexual angle of looking, I still can’t remember or imagine her having any imprints of boobies.
All which comes to my mind is a very fair girl standing on the window gazing continuously at me. Her face is partitioned with the iron-bars of window.
As this image comes to my mind I try to answer her but it seems she can’t get it and she still is telling over a thousand things through her lovely tiny eyes.
-----------------------THE END---------------------------------
My father accompanied me from hostel to home. On the corner of very street in which my home was, there was the house of my friend. And as I approached closer I found him playing cricket in his courtyard. He saw me and asked about me. There were two other boys very similar to each-other. Anybody could guess they were brothers.
After the usual stop the play resumed. My friend was a dynamic player hence he had many friends. But somehow he used to place me above all probably because my family was economically very stable as compared to others and the quality of my education was higher than him or anybody of them. I didn’t had any specialities to notice. I was more of a dumb kind of boy. But I used to notice and observe and think even more.
As play resumed I noticed there was one more being. And that was the first time I saw her. She was in a white frock. She wasn’t playing but she was there enjoying the game I suppose. Very soon I realised that she was the sister of two boys playing with my friend.
My father went to home assuming that I would stay with my friend. After the denial to play I too was there watching them play. In a way I was feeling closer to her watching them. Slowly the two mutual brother became friends of mine and in a way she too. Though we didn’t talk
Her appearance was quite charming and catchy. She was very thin and even thinner were her legs which I could see from knee to toe.
Next day I met with my friend and he told me that the two boys and their sister were his neighbour and he likes the girl. I too liked her but I didn’t tell him.
That day again we met. This time in her house vicinity. She was wearing the same dress she wore the day before. Everyone was calling her “Mili” so it was useless to ask her name. I and Mili again chose to watch the game rather than play. It gave me opportunity to hear her smallest comment and comment on her comments. I came to know that she and her brothers were actually cousin.
I started talking as I felt comfortable. The brothers told me that one of their teacher’s name is “Maharana pratap”. I started making fun of their teacher’s name. after few comments I realised that she was taking keen interest in my comments. She was laughing on “Maharana pratap” jokes of mine more than others did.
It somehow excited me for making further fun of him. Her beautiful laugh was enough to encourage me and buoyed me. Now when I see the whole episode as an outsider, I find myself stupid enough so much of so that it embarrasses me.
At that time making her laugh was an achievement for me. And in some ways it still is an achievement.
I and her brothers were friend enough for now. Even their mother liked me due to my calm attitude and good behavior. I was somehow an example for them.
One day it was mid-noon and I couldn’t find my friend. I thought he must be in her house playing with her brothers. I went to her home but he wasn’t there. Both the brothers were there. They proposed me to play with them. I agreed as my eyes searched for Mili all over. I couldn’t find her but I could sense she was somewhere there. I knew that there are two elders, one was the brother’s mother and other Mili’s mother. Brother’s mother was sleeping in the front room and I guess Mili’s mother too would have been sleeping somewhere inside.
We planned to play cricket in home as we had nothing else to do. Let us say a dummy cricket with no big shots. Sort of net practice stuff. We started. All was going well until one of the brother couldn’t hold the temptation of playing a booming straight drive past me on my bowling. I saw the ball running deep inside the house. The part of the house which belonged to Mili’s family.
Out of fear of getting scolded they told me to fetch the ball. It was unlikely that I would be scolded but still there was a risk. Had not there been the desire to look out for her, I wouldn’t have agreed.
So I went inside guessing the path of the ball. It took me to the end of the house. There was a door opened. I was flummoxed standing. It was mid-noon silence adding to my confusion.
I peeked inside the room. What I saw is still very fresh infront of my eyes. There was a big bed in one side of the room. And at the head end there was a big window. I saw her sitting on her knees at the floor. She was studying with her books and copies on the bed. I can’t remember if she was holding a pencil or a pen. She had a homely frock on and was leaning on the bed.
My friend had told me she wasn’t good at studies. The sunrays were steeply coming in straight line through the windows on her back. It made her sheer frock glow. Then I can’t understand how but she looked at me. Our eyes met. Everytime our eyes used to meet, I guess I got over-nervous. Before I could speak anything she pointed me out where the ball was.
At that time I was too awe-struck to think anything. But now when I look back at the situation, I assume why she wasn’t as nervous as I was. How she remained so calm? She seemed to have a magical authority on the situation.
As I moved inside the room she herself got beneath the bed to get the ball for me. The upper-half of her body was below the bed and was invisible to me. And the rest visible part of the body made a strange, mirrored-Z shape with upper line going downward. Looking at that make me feel awkward so I looked otherwise. I looked at the air cooler which drew my attention with its strange unpleasant noise.
In no time she came out with the ball. She gave it in my hand, no part of her touched me. I guess the ball was big enough to let our hands meet.
There she smiled. I couldn’t smile back as my mind was pre-occupied.
I came out and play resumed. I secretly wished they play another shot there but I guess they were afraid. Luck too didn’t help.
Then there came Holi. I didn’t like to play but I had friends so I had to play.
While I was reaching to my friend’s home there came a balloon filled with colours fall infront of me. As I looked for its orientation I saw one more on its way. I dodge that successfully. There she was accompanied by her brothers. Her face had a mixed reaction of smile and disappointment of not hitting me with balloon.
It made me smile. She threw another. I didn’t know what to do because dodging that means that she could lose her interest as it would add further in her disappointments. In the confusion I couldn’t move but being a statue too was more of a stupid stuff. In the meantime I could reach out my hands to save myself. And the balloon burst on my hands. It sprayed little splash on me partially.
She got ecstatic. Sometime getting hit too give pleasure. I with my friend come out in street. I really didn’t like playing but nonetheless I was there.
As it got late toward noon, there were few people around, we had this concept to tae late bath so that noone could spray colour on you. Suddenly I realised she was looking at me from her window. Looking became watching. Watching turned out to be staring. And I believe her staring at me made me uncomfortable. I couldn’t behave natural as I was on continuous watch.
Meantime whenever I looked at window. I found her staring at me. I realised she was trying to hold my eyes. She was perhaps trying too much to tell me a lot of things through her gaze.
Yes , I was a kid and even then I realised that. It wasn’t that I couldn’t understand her gaze , it was just that I didn’t have the courage to reply back. I was too nervous and bit fearful. I ignored her as a coward.
I don’t regret as such. Given another chance I would do exactly the same thing because that is ‘me’.
That very evening I went to her house. Her mother feed me delicacies. But I couldn’t find her.
In few days I returned to hostel.
The next time and only time I saw her again was after few years at the wedding party of my friend’s uncle. In the evening as I reached there I was secretly searching for her all over. I even met with the brothers of her. My friend had informed me that she was there. I was as excited as he was. Perhaps more.
My friend told me she was with bride. I peeked into the bride’s room. I was searching for only one face and found that the very face was looking at me. Perhaps she too was expecting me, searching me. Maybe not, just a co-incidence.
She grew fairer, her hair seemed longer and darker. Without doubt she was as beautiful if not more. The only thing missing was her boldness, I guess female attributes was taking over.
The room was filled with women and girls. There was no point in entering that though as a kid I was allowed to.
I peeked in many times and found her looking at me. She still was saying something through her looks.
I could see the very frustration on her face. But I guess I didn’t improved as much as I should have.
I never saw her again. About a month ago I saw the same old friend. We talked about the usual old times. Actually I was creating the atmosphere to ask him about Mili. I asked about her brother and he told me they have grown nuts. And I asked about neighbour’s love.
He told me she is getting married in few days. He even told me she has grown fat and doesn’t look as beautiful. I guess it was truth mixed with ‘sour grapes’ stuff.
He said to me that I should look her now. Honestly I don’t want to.
I guess I don’t want to tamper with her ‘angel-like’ image which I have in my memory. It is too dear to me to lose that.
I still want to remember her as a beautiful girl in white frock with thin legs leaning on bed studying. Having a magical effect around her.
I don’t know how she remembers me. In some ways I feel sorry for her.
Now when I try to concentrate on her face it turns out to be hazy. The more I try to remember her the more I forget her. In a way I lose her everytime I think about her. Even now I couldn’t imagine her in anything else than her trademark frocks.
Now, when sex overpowers a major part of my brain and I have developed a sexual angle of looking, I still can’t remember or imagine her having any imprints of boobies.
All which comes to my mind is a very fair girl standing on the window gazing continuously at me. Her face is partitioned with the iron-bars of window.
As this image comes to my mind I try to answer her but it seems she can’t get it and she still is telling over a thousand things through her lovely tiny eyes.
-----------------------THE END---------------------------------
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