Drenched!!

Alright!! Here again..... What to write?? and where to start??

Have you ever done this? Saw a girl once and captured her beauty for forever in your eyes, in your mind....timeless beauty...the beauty without any conundrums or tantrums or burden or responsibility.

I mean why girl only? same could be and is applicable on the beauty of Nature. Think about the best rain you saw......I am sure you have got a picture in your mind or you may just for a flash of second got drenched in the beautiful memory of the best rain you watched or felt or had.

Let me describe mine.........I don't remember when it was, to be true am not sure even if it was or not or just my mind is making it up......it seems unbelievably beautiful.

The scene comes to my mind is of heavy downpour.........what they mean when they say rain lashing out. It has perhaps came after a long wait....It has hit people without notice and they are flummoxed. They are enjoying it but they don't want to forget that they have some responsibility......Fathers are trying to shield their children so that they don't get wet......Fruit sellers and Footpath vendors are trying to protect their stuff so that it does not get wet and spoil. women are running on roof to get the clothes which they put their to dry....its a waste if it gets wet again.

In all this everyone of them have a task.....every drop on their body is multiplying the urgency manifold. With the increase in the water droplets they increase their at to finish their task without wetting. But in all these somewhere their souls are enjoying those droplets.....and that soul's enjoyment is having a conflict with their mind's urgency. They are loving the drops but the notion of practicality is awakening them from suh intoxiating ideas.

children of course seems most excited........children that can be seen as well as those can't be seen. Those who were buried inside ourselves. they are excited again and you are happy to let them be but you just are bit cautious don't to loose your maturity though somewhere you are willing too.

Where am I in all this? Alright I am standing somewhere beneath a big tree.....the tree is not dense hence water are falling in between from the leaves and every drop is awakening me to a higher degree or say higher self. Every drop I feel is taking me lose to purity and innocence. At this point I am not jealous, I am not depressed, I am not selfish, I am not worried.......I am just filled up to neck just like the bucket someone kept to hold the falling water from roof to get inside their home.

Their is a small temple of Lord Hanuman......temple height is just little above the average human height.......it has already accomodated more people than it usually does. Their is small protruding part of ceiling is there to save the temple from windy angled rain to get inside......that protruding part is used as cover for few motorcycle drivers who thankfully decided to not to hurry and wait for the rain to stop.

Since people are close and they are already in the effect of this first rain they feel good in the closeness of other people to whom they usually remain distant for worldly reasons. Now in quest to save their already wet body from more rain they smile to each other whenever their eyes met. Some words also comes out which was not meant to be very meaningful.

this rain is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen and through this post you too have seen.........It was and is and will be worth remembering......simply because it make us feel like human who's buckets are out to receive those excessive flow of joyful, vibrant, watery life.

Hope you would like this wet and drenched post....and don't tell me you had umbrella on while reading this post.........    :)           

Not in mood.

What is mood?? Sometime I ask myself (not others). the answer I get depends on my mood and hence quite a bit unreliable. Let's see what I get today.

When someone asks you "Do you want a cup of coffee?", One out of 100/1000/more chance you say "not in the mood". Before that you don't even know that you don't have a mood for a coffee. it's only when the person asks and for a split of second you feel "coffee???" and not really solid but strong enough you get a reply "no" within yourself.

So what was that? who sets our mood, okay a better question what sets our mood? No solid answer. It might be the environment, the physical condition we are in etc. like if its too hot then you certainly would turn the offer down for the coffee or say you have acidity then again you won't want one. you shouldn't.

But above all there is something, something which haven't take a shape well enough to be recognized that sets our mood and based on the mood creates our reaction. Let me think a bit more about it.

*after 5 minutes* well i tried to think but more questions came into my mind than the answers. To note down a few questions are -

• Are animals too moody ? (they seems moody, I can bet on snakes or monkey)
• Women more moody than men? (might not be true but it seems so)
• If removing the cause of your bad mood will automatically enhance your mood or it persists even then?
• Why does an open-heart talk with some good listener potentially relieves our mood and make it fresh?
• In bad mood is good time to do something creative? (like drawing or writing poem)

All these questions I guess answers the core part of it i.e. what mood really is? though not the way we wanted i.e. in words as a certified definition. let's take the previous point one after another.

Are animals too moody ? (they seems moody, I can bet on snakes or monkey) 

Okay this might not be directly related but in some way may be. I think animal are more moody than humans are because humans have reasons i.e. reasoning capability, hence as soon as a person feels not in the right mood he subsequently in unknown part of his/her brain start looking for reasons for that bad mood. So we challenges our bad mood, Animals don't, They just react to it.

Women more moody than men? (might not be true but it seems so)

well need to be bit politically correct here....so here is the preface - 'men and women both are basically humans and carries the basic human characteristics so it's not right to label one gender as more or less compared to other gender in respect of moods or otherwise. Every humans are unique hence a generalization would be inappropriate.'. So now we are done with the preface, back to business. Women certainly seems more moody, in fact they tends to have huge mood swing which time and again seems so illogical that the men who is facing it baffles. But again women mood too have some really subtle reason for such a swing. It might be their silent and closed reaction to any feelings like jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness etc.(in etc add the positive traits).

If removing the cause of your bad mood will automatically enhance your mood or it persists even then?

No, it doesn't. bad mood is a zone where we get in due to some unrealized reasons and unsatisfied conditions. Now even when the reasons are gone we are not able to automatically come back to our normal state. Why? Since in the first place we never really knew that what exactly was the reason for our bad mood entirely. Hence even if it's gone we tends to keep asking what's the reason for my bad mood and the answer we get is "not feeling right". So even the reason is gone we are not totally sure of it and hence need some kind of pull to get out of zone, If you don't get the pull, you would get out of that zone due to sheer boredom in that peculiar situation specially since it doesn't make proper sense.


Why does an open-heart talk with some good listener potentially relieves our mood and make it fresh?

I think an open heart talk is by far the best way to get out of bad mood without even realizing that you are getting out of it. Every human is a potential chatter, some of us control it or don't realize it. But talking to someone give us a feeling of confidence and attachment that someone is understanding you and hence there is a connection.This connection is a positive tickling vibes and that's why perhaps it feels good to talking to someone with whom you have no inhibition or insecurities. How to find that person? Most of us knows who that person is, just that we are not sure. So when in bad mood give that person an opportunity to be a good listener or at least talker. Good chance you would come out with a smile on your heart.


In bad mood is good time to do something creative? (like drawing or writing poem)

Might be, might not well be true but there are two points. Why?? it would make you feel better to do something creative or the outcome (drawings or poems) will be better? Former is sort of surity, later is more fancy than realistic however can't deny it outright. All those creative thing is nothing but giving a flow to our hidden, unsolved, unaware , unrealized, hibernated thoughts and feelings. In whatever art form they start taking shapes. So while they take shapes we sort of get detached to those feelings and feel lighter again. A person in angry mood might make a drawing of something cruel like volcano eruption(okay its too filmy but something) and after that when he come out all those anger seems meaningless and vanished. It got a shape and it left you. Start afresh.

Conclusion?? You tell me in comments. Too late in here, don't think would reach at office on time but let's say it was worth it. Hope it would have bettered your mood.

 

inner self on shelf?

Have you ever talked to yourself?? we often do however most of us don't feel confident in talking to ourselves.

Can you guess the reason?? why is it easier to talk to others in comparison to talking to oneself. If you ask me there is more than one reason.

First of all we believe on others more than we believe on ourselves, we prefer to judge ourselves from others point of view, we are keen to find out what other thinks about us?? We somehow don't trust ourselves.

Now contrary to common belief how we are (or atleast can be) a better judge of ourselves than others, First of all when someone else judges you, he somehow compares you either with himself or with someone else he knew or atleast some supposed standard he has in his mind for the person 'like' you. In addition to that more than often while judging you he(or she) even subconsciously alter their views based on some personal expectations or desires. So all in all its an unbalanced approach.

When someone else judges you, he merely judge an outlook, a persona you consciously or subconsciously or unconsciously represents. whereas we are not one person, we are multiple person with different traits inside person and the commonest thing in between all of them is 'you'. That is what exactly you are.

you are a myriad of sage, criminal, selfish, liar, opportunist, philanthropist, artist, poet philosopher, scientist and god knows thousands of more bearer of sheer single traits, you are all in one, some are dormant in you, some you have suppressed, some are latent and some are hyperactive some are noble, you are actually a periodic table who has all the element of different properties. when I am saying 'you', I mean the commonest 'you' of all those elements.

when you laugh your hearts out, there comes a point where you have no control over yourselves, it may be and is mostly a flash of second where you lose everything, It's something like a crest and when you touches that point it's only you and not all those persona you would have on you otherwise.

Imagine yourself laughing all out and feel the point where you lost all your masculinity and femininity, your hurt and worries you even loose the reason for which you were laughing, you lose every single worldly trait and its sort of a spiritual high and there you coincides yourselves totally and purely. however unfortunately to realize that you need to have a control on your mind and then its your mind which is 'programmed' to have you in your different sets.

Our mind is so programmed that we can't take anything out of the binary basis of 'good' or 'bad' which ironically themselves are entirely 'based on'. As I am telling that you actually are a carrier of different personality, you surely would be thinking if its good or bad? well its neither. It's what it is. it is our balance to the twist between us and the world, it's our respective reply to the difference between natural and practical. It's the juxtaposition which works and its our respective compromise. each of us has a different level from this side of infinity to that side of infinity. No its not good or bad, it's not binary.

Let's accept what we are , let's not forgot ourselves, let's be practically natural or naturally practical. there is no problem if you don't have bones to get to the levels and standards set by someone else, because afterall he was someone 'else'. There is no point in trying to set standards on someone else's standard.

let's recognize ourselves, let's ask question to ourselves, let's stop aping others as a person, let's be ourselves without looking left or right. let's be criminal if that's what you really are but just don't get caught.


If I have to categorize people , even though if I say that every person is a category in himself i still would categorize them in two ways 'questions' and 'answers'. the person who falls in questions category are easily noticeable, these are those rebellious type, they put questions every now and then, they make you think and they are content to make you think.

They are or atleast seems magical, they think but upto the level where the question is created, the questions which everyone feels and most of them without realizing. these questions in somewhat way their weapon, they won't look for answer but they make sure that the sting of their question continue, they love their questions and dont want to see them die, Hence more often than not they get aggressive when someone tries to answer their question, they instantly would look for flaws in the answers and would nullify the answers. The question category people uses the questions created or thought by them as shades, they relax beneath their questions.

Now the answers type people, these people would look for answers, they find a pride in solving, in long run most of these people consumes an air of superiority above others, they are not as big a hit as the question people but still they are sought sometime desperately, they sometime get so obsessive for answers that if they can't put an answer they would put workarounds. these people are basically constructive and mostly bore to be with for the simple reason that they are killing your curiosity. when you are curious you would madly look for answer but when you get answer you feel vacant and static, you are boringly tranquilized. the answer people are mostly defensive and protective contrary to question people who are offensive.

If you ask me what type I am, I think i am an opportunist, I changes my zone, I and many other try to make a balance, when with question people I am the answer type, when with answer people I am the question type. 

Pen and pencil

Some materialistic things have a strange effect on your persona, they are so attached to you...infact you are so attached to it.....You feel so good to even think of it and if its with you you feel like dancing in yourself.

When I was a kid and we in our school had to write with pencil and eraser were their to use if we make any mistake while writing....I hated that....I always was thinking when will i get the chance to write with pen......pen seemed so powerful and authoritive then....but it was not allowed in class, still 2-3 of the boys had that......either they got it from parents or elder brothers and when teacher were not there in the back of the copy they use to write with pen and that used to fascinate us the others.

They even used to give us the chance to write our name or something....the big draw was that it couldn't be erased by eraser and mostly it was a symbol of your being on your own so that you dont need to erase what you write.

My father gifted me a pen which he got from his office and I was so keen that I opened it to see all the parts and when I saw all the parts I remained as amused as I was before opening it coz i didnt know how to set it up and ultimately was slapped by my father. let's say it was worth it.

Ultimately the days passed and we got the chance to write with pen and then it became  apart of us and the fascination evaporated with time. I think it was day to day business. I was a master in getting my pen lost. The major part of my writing in my academics has been done by someone else's extra pen. Since I was so introvert and shy then either someone else's use to ask the very typical "someone has got an extra pen" question.

Days kept passing and pencil got in somewhere in oblivion. it didn't even touch our mind. The mention of pencil were merely color pencil for drawing tasks. At that time "Reynolds 045" came in market.....it looked so classy thin long white cover and in the front bluish glass fixed to it and then the refill tip out of that glass. The blue and later black pen cover. Whoever used that had an impression until and unless i got one of myself which ofcourse i lost soon. However even this passed.

And with time jetter, rotomac, cello etc. started to hold the market....

Also for people whose handwriting was bad, that included me were suggested to use ink pen. Ink pen had another story. I felt it was the messier breed of pen. you would surely get your hand inked if not your shirt. But ink pen was fun to write with it sort of flowed on paper with your hands however I got detached, disappointed and dejected by ink pen when I accidently spilled my Horlicks on my note-book and all the written things were washed away. My love with ink-pen which otherwise was never there ended that very day.

i got back to pencil when the geometry part started.......HB pencils were strictly needed.....ironically I didnt find any pencil which was not HB. nataraj, camlin all were HB. In the instrument box there was one instrument which were used to draw construction with pencil attached to it on one end. However that instrument was more instrumental in piercing due to its needle. It was also used to mark our seat boundaries and sometime used as a dart.  

But this time pencil wasn't inferior....it was simple, effective, useful and sensible. ultimately it was 360 degree and then I realized that a thing more powerful comes with its own problem and a simple thing helps you great deal in complex problems.

Slowly but surely I got away from pen...it made me feel like restrictive and uselessly complex. pencil on the other hand made me feel more pure and innocent and effective.

Even nowadays whenever I try to write something which isn't official or professional and is only concerning to me, I prefer pencil. the glow of graphite looks better as it gets older. When I read my own words it seems it directly appeal to the imaginative part of my brain unlike pen which now seems more mechanical. pencil now is more humane to me, it magically represents simplicity.

Almost all my half-written stories are written with pencil on A4 sheets and I sort of preserve them.

I think it's safe to say that I am very much attached to pencil now . the wooden piece in my hand releases the complications of my thought it seems. It simplifies my personality and make me easy to feel better.

Each repeat is new

For going to and coming from office I pass from the same path and today too it was the same, I told earlier too that most of the time I look outside from window, If I can't I feel bit suffocated.

I realized that today that i have a strange habit of reading everything outside, every single Billboard, every shop name, every advertisements. I kept doing it everyday and yet strange enough Everyday I find something new which I hadn't read earlier.

So it's like the more I travel from that road the more thing I notices but the scope little smaller, As days are passing I am noticing more and more smaller things.

When I started I used to notice Things which draws your attention like malls, four-ways, over-bridge. then After some days I started noticing smaller things like furniture shops, water tanks smaller roads which are constituting to jams.

After few days things which were even smaller in nature like a house, small shops etc.

These things are going on and I feel everyday my scope of noticing and observing thing is getting finer and I feel it would keep going like this and Each time I will find something new which I didn't noticed earlier.

Walk

I think I can claim this......walking is a great feeling....the sense of movement.....the relative reciprocal movement of the world makes you forget or modify your thoughts......

Whenever I feel low about myself I go for a walk....there is something about it, it always works and by the time I return I am upto a large extent relieved. Other feature is that when you go out for a walk,,,you always notice a lots of new things.....Today when I was walking I somehow was slowly mumbling a song...suddenly I realized how all those years I used to get the wrong meaning of the song.....and the right meaning was so evident still I persisted with the wrong meaning......this perhaps represents that If convinced I usually dont give a second thought.....It makes me stubborn and adamant.

I guess we are what our childhood was.....if childhood was troubled.....the person would remain troubled throughout his life......going by this theory I sometime look at a person and tries to find out how his/her childhood was.......no matter how much I try I always get a prejudice relative to my own childhood......I find it easy to define someone's childhood as brat........someone's childhood as pampered....perhaps coz mine was none of them.

Had to write more...but feeling sleepy......tomorrow or some other day.

Subconscious = unimportant + not urgent

Willing to write something, but what? let me think, let me go back in time and find a day which I want to discuss, personally I prefer discussing those days on which nothing special happened because those days are the days where I lived my life so peacefully and content that I didn't notice anything which is....to say unlikely me.

I wish i go back to those days and adore things which i didn't notice......the realization which was never there and that time when you were not the part of the world even you were in the world.

I love those times, when i felt something real cosmic, I'm sure most of feelers feel it....you feel happiness with just as much of sadness and you wont be able to tell which one was prominent.......you forget every humans you know and everything you own and in many ways you forget yourself too. your identity, your designation, your achievements and your blunders all just dont bother you that very moment.

I feel many people feel this, though i have never ask anyone but certainly if i feel....it can't be unique to me. I sometime ask myself...Do I always talk about myself and then I instinctively revolt and put instances where I didn't, mostly in mitigation. But this question coming out of my conscience in itself says something......It says yes I do and it also says that my subconscious thoughts are becoming conscious and why is that? Maybe because my conscious has not much thoughts.

Things get into sub-conscious and you dont realize that when you have already much in mind.......somehow your brain tag those 'subconscious' thoughts as 'not so important' and filters it so that it don't get into conscious......so that you can concentrate on major issues and thoughts.

This thing is very evident I suppose.......When in world, dealing with people, I don't think what I am thinking now, All there activity goes in my subconscious and only which are unusual and peculiar are noticed, others are just tagged 'not so important' and are stored in subconscious.......

Relation ship-sip-sheep

This question has always been in my mind.........Which one is better?? the relationship god provides us(or by birth for atheist) or the one which we makes by ourselves in the expenditure of our life, course of our life??

In the first instance it seems the relationship we make by ourselves. When I think why??
Maybe because it is just close to our heart we love our decisions basically, We love our choices.

I made a few friends in my life. Time I spent with all those friends are just so awesome.......the jokes we cracked, the gossips we had and don't take me wrong I guess it's the same for many guys if not better.

On the other hand the relationships we had by birth........Mother, Father, uncle, aunt etc. etc. Mother would always be a special relationship to most of person reason must be the selfless love which flows from both side. Relationship with father is very tricky. Fathers are in total control while we are just being desperate for the freedom. Fathers are insecure and their experience of life sort of belittle the capabilities of their children. In that scenario a tussle is inevitable. It goes on until Father lose the control and children gains the independence.

All other relationship from your own nuclear family is a second degree relationship either a leisure or pest depends on person to person also situation to situation.

But somehow in long run I have come to believe that relationship by birth are way too stronger than the relation we choose over them. It is just that we take it for granted. We dont give them the value they deserve we just give them minimum level of importance. We subconsciously stretch it as far as possible.

To please our heart or in better words, to appease our heart we just get inproportionaly and inappropriately indulge in maintaining the relationship which we make just because it appeals to us.

I am not leading to any conclusion but just the thing as I see it......this happens and will happen......maybe that's how we feel of living our life the way we wanted.

Ye Saali Zindagi

Recently i saw this movie 'Ye Saali Zindagi'.........since long i had been disliking Hindi movies mostly coz of their love-theme and exaggerating love and all those stuff.....last good movie I remember was 'A wednesday' due to its gripping plot and great acting.

Infact I was very much reluctant to see that movie and just before that I saw 'Delhi belly' which I think can be termed as a coming of age sort of movie. I wont say Delhi Belly is a great movie but it was okay.

'Ye Saali Zindagi' starcast consist Irrfan Khan who can hardly be considered a star on whom our movies mostly relies nowadays, people goes to watch SRK, Aamir, Salman, Akshay etc etc and enjoy watching them doing things. These stars are at the stage where whatever they do would seem charming, meaningful and cute for the people to whom they have effect on. Personally speaking I don't like Irrfan Khan much due to his troubled look a matching voice.

I decided to start the movie from the middle so that if I find it unbearable I can leave it without any guilt. But then I realized movie wasn't about him, it wasn't about a single protagonist so to say. I was able to watch the movie in one go. Then I started again from the beginning and somehow realized it was a great movie.

It wasn't on any hard-hitting subject, It was about love but not entirely, It was about criminals but not on face reality type, It was about corruption but not with moral garbage. Just a lively movie with a happy ending. Just like you can't judge a book by it's cover, you can't judge a movie by star cast.

One more great thing I found was the music and songs....Really liked the lyrics of few and music of the rest. I can say I was pleased to watch a good hindi movie which is typical yet refreshing.

Restart!

One of the most irksome truth about the life is that its unpredictable, However giving it a deep thought it's what that make life moving, I few know something is going to happen, the time between when we knew and when it will happen would remain meaningless and one might want to pass it without any enthusiasm.

So it serves, the unpredictability, It keeps you absorbed and attentive. In other words it keeps you alive.

I just asked myself "Do i have this natural instinct of creating prefaces?" . Why don't/can't I just tell the crux in short, get to the point. Why Do I feel the need to make it composite? to represent the whole picture, to try to explain anything with totality? In most of the cases it's not even needed, let's realize it.

So getting to the point. I was getting some spam mail from my ex-gf. I ignored them but today I got one more and I found her online, so I asked if she is sending it or its coming accidently. She said she isn't aware of it that such mails are getting sent.

Then it was obvious though she asked How m i? I said 'Good'. Suddenly out of nowhere she asked me if we can start again as a friend?

Truly speaking this disturbed me, mocked my sentiments, but I simply said I dont have the courage to say "no".

Then we talked about how life has been in between this much time, I was talking to her after 2 years.

I have a mixed feeling about the incident. But as I said unpredictability has a purpose. i decided to go with the flow.

I have learnt to channelize me, well so to say, i don't know how determined I am but it seems life wont let me sit idle. From my point of view some disturbances are better than absolute tranqualization. Afterall the quest is to pass the life, it's long if its pacified, it's short if it has disturbances.

Sometime I feel I don't want to know what will happen tomorrow coz I would get the courage at the moment, thinking about it from early might confuse me.
The talks were too formal and ended abruptly